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Most of us can recall Columbus Day activities in our elementary school classrooms. reciting “In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue,” learning the names of his three ships. And then much later, in high school, we learned that Christopher Columbus did not in fact discover America; that he imprisoned, enslaved and exploited the indigenous peoples he encountered, and that basically everything we were taught in elementary school was BS.

The Seattle public school system is simplifying this educational process, voting to celebrate Indigenous People’s Day  on Monday the 13th instead of Columbus Day. The staff of Fox News, unsurprisingly, is bewildered by this decision.

“Why?” Colbert asked. “They didn’t discover America. And it was right under their feet the whole time!”   

You know those liberals. Always trying to teach kids how history actually happened and make people feel guilty about the brutal genocide of millions. As Colbert put it, “It’s over. We’re making amends. I mean, just this weekend we’re sending Reba (McEntire) to Mohegan Sun. What more do they want?”