For many, happiness is elusive at best and at times near impossible. There’s always something (or someone) pushing our buttons, making us feel less than joyful. According to Barbara Fredrickson, a psychologist and positive-emotions researcher, most Americans have two positive experiences for every negative one.

While that sounds good and well, this 2-to-1 positivity ratio is barely enough to get by. To flourish emotionally, Fredrickson’s research¹ shows you need a 3-to-1 ratio. That is, you need to have three positive emotions for every negative emotion. Only 20 percent of Americans achieve this critical ratio, which means 80 percent do not. Even worse, more recent research suggests nearly 25 percent of people experience no life enjoyment at all!²

The good news is, happiness can be learned. Part of the equation is training yourself to view life’s events from a different perspective. Inconveniences and more serious troubles are unavoidable facts of life. What many fail to realize is that these events do not automatically bar you from being happy — unless you let them, that is.

Make Happiness-Boosting Rituals Part of Your Daily Routine

As noted by Eric Barker in a recent Time article:³

“… [Y]ou’ve probably read a zillion articles about happiness online and you’re not a zillion times happier. What gives? Reading ain’t the same as doing. You wouldn’t expect to read some martial arts books and then go kick ass like Bruce Lee, would you? All behavior, all changes, must be trained.

The ancient Stoics knew this. They didn’t write stuff just to be read. They created rituals — exercises — to be performed to train your mind to respond properly to life so you could live it well … And what’s fascinating is that modern scientific research agrees with a surprising amount of what these guys were talking about 2000 years ago.”

Disappointment, especially if you’re constantly struggling with things “not going your way,” can be a major source of stress, and centenarians — those who have crossed the threshold of 100 years of age — overwhelmingly cite stress as the most important thing to avoid. This does not mean they were blessed with carefree lives. “Avoidance” here really refers to the ability to manage your stress so that it doesn’t end up wearing you down over time.

Rather than dwelling on negative events, most centenarians figured out how to let things go, and you can do that too. The key, as Barker notes, is consistently training yourself to let go of the negativity. This isn’t something you do once and you’re done. It’s something you do each and every day, or however often you’re triggered. One foundational principle is the realization that the way you feel about an event has everything to do with your perception of it.

Perception Is Everything

Wisdom of the ancients dictate that events are neither good nor bad in and of themselves. It is your belief about the event that upsets you, not the fact that it happened. Ryan Holiday, author of several books, including “The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living,” offers the following clarification:⁴

“Shakespeare and the Stoics are saying that the world around us is indifferent, it is objective. The Stoics are saying, ‘This happened to me,’ is not the same as, ‘This happened to me and that’s bad.’ They’re saying if you stop at the first part, you will be much more resilient and much more able to make some good out of anything that happens.”

Cognitive behavioral therapy is an adaptation of this philosophy and teaches you that the negative feelings you experience in response to life events are in fact rooted in your beliefs, most of which are either irrational or flawed.

While seeking the aid of a qualified mental health professional is certainly recommended if you suffer from depression or other mental health issues, for the run-of-the-mill upsets of daily life, you can raise your happiness level by shifting your focus from ruminations about what caused the situation to what your beliefs about it are.

Next, ask yourself whether you’re actually thinking rationally about the issue. Is it true that you can never find another partner after a breakup, or is meeting someone else within the realm of possibility? Is your life really over because you lost your job, or is it possible you might find a job that suits you better or pays more?